A radical life changing story of how a woman walks away from her 'norm' seeking ancient knowledge first from the Aboriginal Australians and then finding her path being steered towards Tibetan Buddhism.
Jealous – Such a strange emotion.
I remember feeling jealousy throughout my life. Thankfully that feeling no longer has control of my mind and actions. You see, I’ve taken onboard the use of disinterest to experience non-attachment. Whenever I feel that old familiar feeling of jealousy arise in my body I switch over to disinterest. It’s a forever dedicated focus and practice as the feeling may arise at any time and then I must remain aloof and disinterested when it taunts me into reaction.
I was woken up to jealousy when I was on the other side of this hideous emotion. Oh sure, it was an unconscious pattern in myself and when it ejected I really didn’t care about the person on the other end or the consequence – everything could be fixed and they deserved it, right?
BUT, when I RECEIVED jealousy I realised how hurtful, denigrating and down right useless it actually is. Oh sure you can learn from jealousy and continue the spiteful emotion repeatedly throughout your lifetime in cycle of negativity. But, the results from jealousy are never helpful – to either side. Jealousy actually has the power to cut ties, separate a marriage and hurt someone so badly it affects them for life. Jealousy can also make you physically sick – especially if you hold onto it for long periods of time or repress it.
Jealousy comes in all shapes and sizes. Some people are jealous about their partner spending time with other people. While other people are triggered into jealousy when their family member is successful in business when they are not. Yet, jealousy can also rear its ugly end when someone is jealous about their neighbour’s new car.
How does jealousy feel in your body?
For me jealousy was a nasty repetition of thoughts that grew in size over time creating a false story in my mind. This story became an “thing” if you like which fueled the jealousy. My jaw clenched and my neck muscles were tight and at times this would create headaches. Sometimes I was work myself up so tightly that I would feel sick in my stomach. If it was left to continue for a few days I would develop a hatred for the person I had feelings for – over this false story. At times I would end up in a ball crying for hours on end. It was quite an intense cycle to go through. All self perpetuated. Luckily my jealousy did not run deep – once I heard the truth the fire would quell instantly. Would you believe that some people can hold onto jealousy and anger even after they’ve heard the truth? Wow, now that’s dedication to negativity.
Once I felt jealousy directed at me I realised that someone in the jealous mode could not be reasoned with. They had a story in their mind and that was that. Everyone is different of course.
Due to jealousy and a false story in their mind I could not be myself, go where I wanted to go or feel safe walking down the street. Now, in this particular situation the jealousy could have been an accumulation of years of troubled emotions. Still, it was an excellent opportunity for me to realise how my past jealousy felt to my friend. (Rather embarassing to admit actually).
Now that I’m aware of JEALOUSY and how useless it is I’ve put in place some new personal development tools so that jealousy no longer has control over my mind and actions.
What a relief that is!
Now, when I feel jealousy grow through my thoughts I immediately launch myself into what Buddhists would refer to as the practice of disinterest and non-attachment.
Phew! I feel so much lighter now. Ditching jealousy out of my cycles has allowed more room for fascination and joy. Life is much more happier and satisfying nowadays. I can’t really explain how good this actually feels, but trust me it’s darn amazing.